


Gone

by trynabcalm



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 22:09:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trynabcalm/pseuds/trynabcalm
Summary: Paul and John don't have luck on their side and life does its best to tear them apart





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Some disclaimers:
> 
> Paul is very feminine in the story. I actually wrote this about my grandmother's friends (sorta friends) who were in a lesbian relationship. About a couple months ago, the lady from the story had died and my gramma had gone to the funeral. I was too lazy to really change the personalities of the characters so sorry. 
> 
> Also I know that John didn't live with his parents nor were they around, same with Paul's mum. 
> 
> Pls excuse the stereotypes and what not and enjoy

“Listen, you’ve got to tell them at  _ some  _ point.” 

He looked at me from underneath his eyelashes, with care and love gleaming in his glittering eyes. But I stayed stubborn.

 

“Come on, love, it’s been 5 years,” He chided as if I was a child. He leant in and began to fiddle with my hair the same way He did all those years ago. At his touch, goosebumps began to rise. 

“You can’t expect this secret to hide forever John. For all you know, they might accept you!” 

Avoiding eye contact, I scoffed at his and answered with a simple sigh. 

 

“Believe me, those old hags would have my head!”

 

“Oh John! They're your parents. Don’t they deserve to know?” 

 

Before he could say anymore, I gently placed hand over his lips to shut up his blabbering. He rolled his eyes at my immaturity and gently pushed me down onto the couch. Of course, I pulled his down with me, our bodies collapsing on top of each other’s, a smirk playing on my lips. He kept a straight face though, just barely pouting, pleading with me silently when I finally gave in and rolled my eyes and sitting up straight, pulling him more comfortably on my lap. 

 

“If you shut up, I’ll talk to my parents. Satisfied?”

 

“Very. And I’ll be by your side the entire time.”

***

“Mum, da?” 

Father looked up from the paper, a fat cigar held between his teeth while Mother wiped her soapy hands on her apron and gently sat down cautiously on the settee. 

 

“Yes, love?”

 

“Well, since you’re me parents, I believe that you deserve to know your own son.” Paul’s face was plastered across my mind, running and controlling my every thought. 

 

“Speak up, boy. Sit straight. And stop with your slang, talk properly. What are you trying to say?” 

 

Looks of concern and worry was etched onto both my parents’ faces. 

 

“I’m queer…” I looked down. I had never said it aloud but now that I had done, the weight of the world lifted off my tired shoulders. 

“Oh, darling,” my mother’s voice sounded like honey,sweet and slow, I smiled and let out the smallest sigh of relief. Everything would be oka- “It’s alright, John Dear. I’ve heard that homosexuality can be cured” 

 

I snapped my head up, flabbergasted at the statement. “Cured!? I-I don’t need to be cured!” I could hardly say the word without shivering in disgust. “It’s not an illness! I’m not dying! You’ve got to be mad to say that!”

 

“That’s enough John. How dare you speak to your mother that way!” My father put down the paper and pointed his finger at me, a fire burning in his eyes. 

 

“I will not! Homosexuality can’t be cured,  _ I  _ can’t be cured. I’m in love with a good man and I do not care what you think.” I yelled, my voice breaking as tears threatened to spill. 

 

“No! No child of mine is a faggot. You were raised in a good household and yet you still turn to the devil. Unless you want to burn in hell, I suggest you apologise and repent!”

 

“No! I won’t! It’s just love! Love is not a sin!”

 

“You are not in love, do you hear me! What do you know, you’re still young!” My mother had slunk away back to the kitchen, sobs shaking her frail frame but my father stood strong like a wall and I was the runaway train racing towards it. 

 

“I’m twenty, da! I should be able to have the slightest bit of control on my own life!” I couldn’t take it anymore, the lump in my throat was to much to bare and my hands were shaking as I clutched onto myself, my nails scratching my skin. 

 

“We gave you freedom and look what you’ve done. You and your...your...boy are disgusting!” He spat. 

 

“How dare you! You don’t a thing about him so don’t you dare mutter a word against him!”. How could anyone hate Paul. Sweet, lovely, generous, humble Paul. The lad with a smile that could light up the room. With doe eyes and rosy cheeks. 

 

“Your aunt had warned me, but I refused to believe it. You have left me no choice but to send you away. Your last saving grace will be the clean Scottish air the strict hand of your aunt.”

 

“Scotland?! I’m not going to Scotland!” Dread and fear flowed through my veins. 

 

“You will and that’s final.” He moved towards me, attempting to grab my arm but I backed away quickly. 

 

I looked around wildly, checking if there were any possessions of mine that I wouldn’t be able to live without. But to be honest, the only thing I couldn’t live without was Paul. My eyes flickered between my father and the door, if I could just make a run for it I might b-

 

“Where would you go!? No one would want you! Except that faggot! Does mr and mrs McCartney know that their son is a monstrosity too!?”

 

I froze. 

 

“H-how?! No! You mustn’t”

 

“I’m not blind, John! And I will if you do not cooperate!” Forlorn, I was forced to accept defeat. I couldn’t imagine what Paul’s parents would do to him. I promised I’d protect him and if this was the only way to do so, I’d do it. 

 

“Fine. Please, you can’t tell them! I’ll- I’ll go to Scotland.”

 

We spent hours crying the next few weeks, it would have been a strange sight to see:A twenty and 18 year old lad clinging onto each other sobbing. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to see him but at the wee hours of the night, I’d slip out of the window and hurried past alleyways and byways to Penny Lane. 

 

Catching him as he lowered himself down from his balcony, I wrapped my arms around Paul’s waist, my faint buried in his neck. I breathed in, his scent filling my airways. 

 

In the back of the shop we owned was a bare mattress, lacking of pillows or duvets, small and springy but it went unnoticed, we had bigger things to fret about. 

 

“You can’t leave!” Paul’s tears soaked into the mattress, my shirt, my skin. As my lips met his, I could taste the saltiness. My bags were packed, my travel clothes ironed, shoes polished. In several hours, I was meant to be waking up, the last time I’d wake up in Liverpool. 

 

“I’m sorry, Jo-“

 

He spent ages apologising over and over again. He blamed it all upon on himself. 

“No, Paul, stop it! Don’t be daft, lad! It was inevitable”

 

“Yes, But we should have had longer! Oh, John, you can’t go!”

 

“I have to, love. I-I have to.”

 

“Let’s run away! We’ll leave this Soddy town!”

 

I closed my eyes, sighing deeply. 

“You deserve a better life, a life I can’t give you. You deserve a loving family, a beautiful cottage, a pair of gorgeous babies. I can’t give that to you.”

 

“Oh, fuck what I deserve”

 

“Paul!” his prim properness dissipated and I was shocked and slightly amused but then sobered immediately. I was a bad influence on him. He deserved better.

 

“I don’t care what I deserve. I don’t want that life if you’re not in it!”

 

“Well…” I didn’t want to scare his. I couldn’t tell his the threat my father made. “Well, tough! I’m going. You’re going to get on with your life, never a thought spared on me and...a-and the same for me.”

 

Paul’s eyes widened, his pink lips spreading as his eyebrows furrowed. 

“If that’s the way you want it…” He untangled himself from my arms and stood up, pulling on his coat, smoothing out his hair silently. “I...I thought you’d do anything for me. Like you promised. I thought...you loved me, really loved me.”

 

I fucked up. 

 

As he stormed out of the small shop, I suddenly gathered my wits, racing after his knowing that I had made everything worse. In the distance, Paul was hopping around the puddles as the British showers poured down. 

 

“Paul wait!” I caught up finally, absolutely soaked to the bone. “Paul, I do! I do love you!”

 

“Then you wouldn’t leave me!” his voice broke and but his tears were masked by the rain. 

 

“No, love! I’m leaving because, I love you!” 

 

“How the fuck does that make sense!” his styles waves, were flat against his face, outlining his soft jaw line. 

 

“Don’t make this any harder! Please! I need you! I need you here with me now!” I collapsed to my knees, grovelling.

 

“Well, John, I need you here forever.”

 

And he was gone. I was left sat there on the curb, under the dim lamp post. Alone

 

The remainder of my dreams that night, were all starring the love of my life. 

 

_ “Your hair!” Paul gingerly reached out to finger the auburn curls that were styled on top of my head. The touch of Paul’s slender finger brushing my cheek was electrifying. Then he looked down at my clothes that barely resembled the uniform I was meant to be wearing “How on earth are you allowed to do any of this!?” _

 

_ I chuckled, shrugging my shoulders, looking down at the shorter lad.  _

_ “I wasn’t. I’m going behind me parent’s backs, you see.” I sent him a pert grin, causing him to blush.  _

_ *** _

_ I stopped running once we rounded the bend and rested my head on the brick wall, my breaths shallowing as the shadows cooled my skin. Beside me was Paul, smiling wildly.  _

_ “I can’t believe you did that!” He cried, trying to hide his amused expression. _

_ “Oh please, Paul! That old git had it coming. He can’t say things about you and get away with it!” _

_ “John, you can't say that!” Paul slapped my arm playfully and we fell into comfortable silence while trying to catch our breath. “But thank you.” He whispered softly, slipping his slender hand into my rougher one. The sensation was so foreign yet so familiar. It felt right.  _

_ “I’d do anything for you. Crawl to Scotland, if you asked. I won’t let nothing hurt you...” I tightened my grip on his hand. Maybe it was because I was  scared to let him slip away as I confessed my sinful feelings. But instead of pulling back in disgust, He squeezed back.  _

_ *** _

_ “This is it.” I slid my arm around his shoulders. The small quaint shop shone brightly as the sun glinted off the polished wood and glass. After bargaining and negotiating, I finally bought the little shop with Paul. We’d be the proud owners of a vinyl store just down the street from my house. In there were shelves and stacks of vinyls I had collected and bought over the years, just for this moment. Elvis’s soothing voice leaked from the player and danced around the cool autumn air. The music wasn’t crystal clear but the crackles from the needle made the record more endearing. I had always wanted to own something like this but this was beyond my wildest dreams to have both the shop and the handsome lad in my arms. Life was beginning to look up for me, us. Looking back at Paul, I couldn’t help but to think that somethings, were meant to be.  _

_ *** _

 

The dirty city slowly morphed into rolling hills and dull pastures. I had always wanted to take Paul to Scotland and although I carried him in my thoughts, this wasn’t quite the way I imagined it to be. Paul. He was the wind, cool and refreshing. He was the grass, vibrant and soft to touch. He was the light drizzle, washing over me. He was the sky, vast and bright. He was the flowers, beautiful and gentle. He was all of this, but none of it at all. It didn’t do him justice. 

He was...everything. He was something. He was gone. 


End file.
